Broken Heart

My heart has been broken so many times I'm not sure how much of it is left. 
I'm not talking about broken by a crush or disappointments. I am talking about my Dad. Watching him die and nothing I could do to help him. Watch the strongest most loving father and grandfather suffer until his body shut down and he left us. I know he went to heaven. I saw the smile on his face when he took his last breath. But doesn't make the heart ache for my daddy's presence in my and my kids life any less. 
 The heartache of your baby girl loosing her daddy that left her  at a year old and then her Poppy and seeing the fear everytime I would leave to run to the store or to work because I'm sure in her thoughts was, is mommy going to come back.
The heartache of learning you brought a monster into your kids lives who took their childhood and innocence away and you have watched them suffer for that every day of their lives. 
Then. There is the heartache of loosing a child. Not to death but to drugs,demons,who knows what it was. But the little boy who was funny and loving and so small and fragile became a teenager I didn't know and then an adult who scared me and did such evil things I can't wrap my mind around. To watch your sweet boy who you love hurt his own sweet innocent babies and realize my love as a mother as hard as I tried, did nothing to change him back to that sweet boy he once was. The heartache of having to just let him go as if he has died. 
 
And yet the Hearaches continue...